Anyone who sets fingers to keyboard with the purpose of writing memoir is about to embark on quite a ride. Beyond leaving a legacy for others, there are tremendous personal benefits to writing memoir.

The unexamined life is not worth living. ~Socrates

In our day-to-day living, we tend to watch where we’re going, but when we write memoir (or autobiography), it’s like looking at our lives from airplanes instead of bicycles. It’s the 10,000-foot view. From that lofty height, we see things about our lives and ourselves that we might not otherwise see. We benefit in ways we might not otherwise benefit. It can be a messy, emotional, turbulent ride, but it’s a worthy one.

Benefit #1: Be Witnessed

Ug, Og, and Grk returned from the great hunt, crushed up some berries, and painted their stories on the wall of the cave so that their women, Oof, Ca, and Aa, could understand what they’d been through. It’s in our very makeup to seek to understand and to be understood. We’re wired for connections. Without them, we die. Storytelling connects us to others. When we tell our tales, we are witnessed.

Benefit #2: Control the Narrative

Remember that game, Telephone?  One kid whispers a sentence into another kid’s ear. Then that kid whispers it to another kid, and so on, until the last one in the room says the sentence out loud and it’s completely screwed up. Yeah, our life events are kind of like that. Something happens in our lives, and then our friends, coworkers, or relatives—oh man, the relatives—all have a good gossip about it. And by the time it gets back to us, we realize that the events have been completely convoluted. Not only do they have us doing things we never did, but apparently, they believe us capable of some pretty strange thinking. In writing memoir, we can tell the whole story and set the record straight.

Benefit #3: Choose the Narrative

In addition to straightening out misconceptions, writing memoir gives us the opportunity to choose how we want to remember things. We all know there are always more than one way of looking at things. In a memoir, we can reframe and redefine. We can take our sweet time to ponder the whys and wherefores of an event. Then, when we place our fingers on the keyboard, we create a history of our choosing.

I’m not saying we get to make things up wholesale and call it nonfiction. But we do get to choose whether to see our alcoholic parent as a villain, or as someone who did the best with what s/he had at the time. We can choose to rage against the cousin who slept with our girlfriend (Subtext: “I’m a victim.”), or we can say, “Whew, bullet dodged!” (Subtext: “I’m lucky!”). We can also choose to say, unequivocally, “Those two were vile but I’ve moved on,” (Subtext: “I have the power to choose.”)

Whatever the choice, we own it. By making such choices in writing memoir, it becomes easier to make those kinds of choices in the moment. The mere act of taking our sweet time to choose how to look at things can be life altering. Writing our pasts can alter our futures.

Benefit #4: Tell the Whole Story

Our lives aren’t sound bites, previews, or songs. They aren’t even three-hour documentaries. Our lives are full, complex, and not easy to reduce to a rumour, and yet… Memoirs are not about giving a full account of the minutia of our lives, but they are venues to tell the whole story about critical events.

You know how when you go to a funeral and everyone is sitting around eating casseroles and telling stories about the recently deceased, and you realize that you only knew one small part of that person? Suddenly, you see different sides to someone you thought you knew well. It’s like you get to know your loved one even better. Writing memoir is a bit like inviting everyone to your own funeral, only you don’t have to die.

Benefit #5: Be Honest About Relationships

Since no man is an island, our lives will involve other people. We will therefore write about the important people in our lives. As such, we will affect those relationships, one way or another, for better or for worse. (See the blog, Nine Tips for Protecting Relationships When You Write Biography and Memoir.) Memoir can be where we explain how the behaviour of others affected us. It doesn’t have to be a judgement, just an explanation. By talking about how we really felt when someone did something (e.g. “I cried because I was so proud,” or “My heart broke just a little bit in that moment.”), we give people a glimpse of our inner selves. With the courage to be that honest and vulnerable on the page, we earn the right to be understood.

Benefit #6: See Our Own Patterns

Only from afar can we see forests and not trees. Day by day, we walk among the trees. When we write memoir, we distance ourselves so that we are able to see the forests of our lives. We might see where we’ve made the same mistake again and again, expecting different results. We might notice that quiet friend who’s always had our back. We can see the results of our choices. We can see how even one life decision sent out ripples that had far-reaching consequences. In short, we see the patterns of our lives. In so doing, we come to understand our lives and ourselves better.

Benefit #7: Know Our Part

At 10,000 feet, we can also take stock of how we’ve lived our lives. Perhaps you will judge yourself a coward for tolerating spousal abuse for years. Perhaps you will judge yourself highly for raising your kids practically single-handed while working full-time. Either way, it’s a chance to be honest about yourself—with yourself and others. We all have our reasons for doing what we do. It’s about telling our truths.

…And a Warning for Writing Memoir

Memoir is not journaling. While there are benefits to doing both kinds of writing, the differences are vast. No one wants to read the minutia of your navel gazing or the grudge you still hold against your cousin. They want a professionally written book that chronicles a meaningful journey. They want you to tell the whole story with a beginning, middle, and an end, so if you are not yet finished, or if you are still mired in pain and confusion, it’s not yet time for your memoir.

Once you’ve checked your motives and deemed yourself clean enough to set fingers to keyboard, strap in and hold on. You’re in for the ride of your life!